You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
