Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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