I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
3pm strippers are depressing
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
