never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
