My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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