i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
