2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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