She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
