and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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