i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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