THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
