he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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