Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
