You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
