Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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