I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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