I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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