Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
