Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Green mimosas i think yes
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
