I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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