Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize