I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
