You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
