Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
