somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
