the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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