i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
