Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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