Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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