I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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