hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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