And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
