I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
