I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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