So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
