At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
