I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
