Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
