"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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