but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
