he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
