I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
