just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
