i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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