Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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