So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
