She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
