I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Couch. On fire.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
