im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I've blown a few things in my day
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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