o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
