all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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