Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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