well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
