Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
