Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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