Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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