I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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