Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
