I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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