I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
There's always time for handjobs
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
