i permit you to call me
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
