I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
