just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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