is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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