It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
