What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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