just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize