8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
