I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
