im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
