Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
