Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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