just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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