So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
