i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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