What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
