I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
