i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
