I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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