I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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