I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
