Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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