THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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