Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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