i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
