she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize