A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
