Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
