No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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