I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
