If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
