I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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