We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
