Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Randomize
