The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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