Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize