Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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