I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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