How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
