get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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