There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
