I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize