forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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