i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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