He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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