Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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