I wish I could teleport
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
