...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
