ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
