i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
