He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
