Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
