I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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