You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
